Premise
Mallory Childs finds a journal that has her simple, monotonous life recorded day after day and upon reading it, Mallory decides it's time for a change.
Screenplay
INT. MALLORY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MORNING
Mallory Childs, 24, rises from her bed tiredly, her hair resembling a birds nest and her pajamas twisting haphazardly around her body. She is an average woman with no real goal and no real drive to make one.
SERIES OF SHOTS
MALLORY (V.O)
It was just another day
Mallory rubs her cheeks as she struggles out of bed.
MALLORY (V.O)
I woke up, brushed my teeth and other things
Shots of Mallory brushing her teeth, brushing her hair, and washing her face
MALLORY (V.O)
Got my vanilla bean frappuccino and reviewed my notes over breakfast
Shot of Mallory reading papers as she nibbles on a blueberry muffin
MALLORY (V.O)
Went to work
Shot of Mallory passing out coffee during presentation and answering phone calls in her cubicle.
MALLORY (V.O)
Came home
Shot of Mallory throwing down her work load and collapsing onto her couch.
END SERIES OF SHOTS
MALLORY (V.O)
Ate a T.V dinner at the breakfast table as I sorted through my notes for the next day
Shot of Mallory eating a disgusting looking spaghetti and meatballs T.V dinner while reading over papers once again. Once she finishes she throws the trash into the bin and walks to her bedroom.
CUT TO:
Mallory laying down in bed on her back and facing the ceiling. She gets settled and closes her eyes, releasing a long sigh.
MALLORY (V.O)
Then went to sleep. Just another day.
(Mallory's eyes shoot open)
Except...it wasn't.
INT. MALLORY'S HOUSE - DEN - EARLY MORNING
Mallory is frantically cleaning her house, vacuuming the floor, wiping off tables, reorganizing shelves. She climbs a ladder and begins to dust her bookshelf.
MALLORY (V.O)
I don't know what possessed me to suddenly want to clean my house at 6 in the morning but I did.
she suddenly stops. In surprise, Mallory pulls out a old, weathered leather-bound journal and smiles.
MALLORY (V.O)
And that's when I found it.
INT. MALLORY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MORNING
Mallory is sitting on the bed and slowly turning the book around in her hands.
MALLORY (V.O)
The house was old, but the journal was even older. A leather bound journal passed down generation through generation.
She settles back to get comfortable. She opens the journal and quickly leafs through the pages.
MALLORY (V.O)
As I sat down to flip through it a sense of nostalgia hit me.
Mallory looks up as she flashes back to the day she received the journal. She is 20 years old and bouncing excitedly as her mother hands her the journal with great care.
CUT TO:
A series of shots of Mallory writing in the journal every day. Sometimes she sits and ponders. Some times she is frantically writing as if her life depends on it.
MALLORY (V.O)
I remember the first time it was in my hands. I was so proud to finally be part of the tradition I used to write in it everyday. Well at least until my work became to much and it got put away only to collect dust.
Young Mallory falls onto her bed, the journal gripped tightly to her chest as if it the most important thing in the world. A euphoric smile is on her face.
MALLORY (V.O)
I remembered how excited I was and how exciting my life was going to be.
Mallory's smile begins to fade the more she goes through the journal.
MALLORY (V.O)
But as I combed through page after page, I realized
MALLORY (V.O)
(Sharply looking up, eyes wide and with a distressed face)
My life was so...BORING!
MALLORY (V.O)
I didn't do anything! Albeit I never really wanted to. But I ate, slept, and breathed work. I didn't go anywhere. I didn't hang out with friends. I just worked. Work, work, worked!
MALLORY (V.O)
Is this really how I'm going to live the rest of my life? Is this how I'm going to die? A poor, boring girl dead in her cubicle with her phone glued to her ear and her last dying words being "Thank you and have a nice day?"
Mallory snaps the journal shut.
MALLORY (V.O)
I decided right then and there I was changing my life into a new life. A different life.
MALLORY (V.O)
A better life.
MALLORY (V.O)
I was saying goodbye to my mundane, monotonous, and just plain boring routine. And hello to new me!
Mallory sits in front of her computer typing furiously with books scattered all around her. She leans back into her chair as she finishes, her arms crossed behind her head and a satisfied look on her face.
MALLORY (V.O)
Maybe I would write that novel I had always been wanting to write.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Mallory places her now printed novel into an envelope, seals it, and places it into the mailbox.
MALLORY (V.O)
And just because I could...I'd mail it off.
Shot of Mallory ordering a pumpkin spice frappuccino and looking out the cafe window as she enjoys it.
MALLORY (V.O)
Get that coffee I had been meaning to try
Shots of Mallory laughing in the movie theater and jumping in fright, her popcorn flying everywhere.
MALLORY (V.O)
Or see that movie I always wanted to see
Shot of Mallory going into her work and suddenly kissing an attractive guy.
MALLORY (V.O)
Maybe make a new friend
Shot of the attractive guy's girlfriend screaming angrily and making threatening hand gestures.
MALLORY (V.O)
And a new enemy
Shot of Mallory walking around the park, petting dogs and eating ice cream.
MALLORY (V.O)
Take a walk in the park
Shot of Mallory dipping her feet into a pond and laughing at the moss that gathers on her toes.
MALLORY (V.O)
Or a dip in the pool
Shot of Mallory reading a book intensely
MALLORY (V.O)
Travel to a new world
Shot of Mallory eating a home cooked meal in front on her T.V. She is crying and laughing at an episode of Doctor Who.
MALLORY (V.O)
Or become part of a family
END SERIES OF SHOTS
INT. MALLORY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Mallory is sitting in her bed. She is buttoning the last button of her pajama shirt. She turns on her bedside lamp and grabs the journal and a pen.
MALLORY (V.O)
And once everything was said and done and I felt completely satisfied
MALLORY (V.O)
I would write my day in the journal
MALLORY (V.O)
Because it WAS my day
MALLORY (V.O)
A new day
MALLORY (V.O)
A different day
MALLORY (V.O)
(Shot of the actual words being written in the journal)
A better day
Mallory closes the journal, cuts off the lamp, and snuggles into bed. She is facing the ceiling and closes her eyes. But a smile is on her face.
MALLORY (V.O)
And for once in my life, I can't wait for just another day.
Critique
PLOT
- Is the plot engaging and satisfying? If not, why?
- Are there slow, confusing or dull spots? How would you fix these?
- Is the plot surprising or predictable? How so?
- Are the subplots engaging and satisfying? Do they add to the main plot?
- Does the plot fulfill the promise of the idea or does it feel incomplete or not fully realized?
- Are there any plot holes that need to be fixed?
- Does the plot stem from and work with the characters and theme or does it feel forced upon them?
- Are each of the acts complete and balanced?
- Is one part of the plot notably better or worse than the rest?
- How much tension is there in the plot? In each act? In each scene?
CHARACTER
- Do the characters feel genuine to the story?
- Is the protagonist likeable? Why or why not? What does this add to the story?
- Is the antagonist appealing? Why or why not? What does this add to the story?
- Does the size of the cast fit the size of the story?
- How long is the protagonist’s arc? How would lengthening, shortening or eliminating that arc change the story?
- Do other characters have arcs? What do those arcs add?
- How much backstory do we get about the characters?
- Do each of the characters have unique personalities and dialogue?
- Is the story character-driven or plot-driven? What if you switched it?
- What are the characters’ strengths and weaknesses?
THEME
- What are the script’s primary theme?
- How well is the theme expressed through plot?
- How well is the theme expressed through character and dialogue?
- How strong or weak is the theme? What if it was emphasized or deemphasized?
Music
I haven't found any music for this piece yet but since the only dialogue is a voice over I do plan on using some.
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