Concept Revision #1 - Teddy Bear

So I did more research on short films 5 minutes and under and I came up with a slew of ideas but only two were actually worth developing.

Premise
Connor is a shy boy who aims to win the heart of a young girl by searching for her lost teddy bear.

I was inspired by this short called My Favorite Things. Of course I had to frame it differently so that there were obstacles he had to overcome in a way.

Screenplay

EXT.  PLAYGROUND - DAY

CONNOR LOVELL sits on the swing alone. He is an 9 year old boy dressed in a large hoodie and jeans. His thick-rimmed glasses slide down his face and he quickly pushes them up.

He is staring at a YOUNG GIRL. She is around 10/11 and is sitting beneath a tree playing with a beaten up teddy bear. Her hair is pulled back by a bright yellow headband that matches her sundress.

The young girl turns around and smiles. Connor quickly looks away. He begins to swing. From the the corner of his eye he sees her stand and begins toward him. He stops swinging and starts to move.

The young girl suddenly turns as she hears her name being called and races away. Connor sighs in relief and sits back down. He draws in the dirt with a stick and watches the young girl as she plays with friends.

EXT. PLAYGROUND - LATER

Connor sits on the ground playing with an anthill. He hears something and turns to his left to see the young girl circling around the tree she was near earlier. She looks distraught and tears and running down her face. Her mother picks her up to comfort her and the young girl cries as they walk to their car.

A piece of paper falls to the ground as the car drives away. Connor picks it up and sees a picture of the girl smiling and hugging her worn bear. He looks up determined.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

Connor looks all around the park for the bear. He shows the picture to parents who shake their heads. He searches through tunnels and under slides. Defeated, he turns away to the streets.

Connor races down the streets. He stops to show the picture to the people he passes, asking if they have seen the bear. Many people shake their heads no. Some point him to the direction of stores.

Shopkeepers and clerks shake their heads at the picture. Connor searches fruitlessly through the stores to find a new teddy bear. He looks through windows and display cases. He goes through boxes of bears. He searches through an entire teddy bear store. But to no avail.

INT. GIRL'S BEDROOM - DAY

The young girl looks sadly out the window of her bedroom. Pictures of her with her teddy bear rest on her bedside table and dresser. One in particular is a picture of her receiving the bear from her grandmother.

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

Connor is bent over and panting. The picture is gripped tightly in his fist. Sweat is dripping all over his face and his glasses constantly drips down his face.

He stands tall and looks at the store behind him. In the display case is a teddy bear 10 times the size of a regular one. He looks at the picture and notices the similarities before walking into the store.

CUT TO:

Connor walks down the street with the giant bear in his arms. He stops as a dog passes him and walks into an alleyway. Connor, curious, peers into the alleyway and a large smile forms on his face.

EXT. PLAYGROUND - THE NEXT DAY

The young girl sits under the tree forlorn. Her cheek is resting on her hand and she is drawing stick figures in the dirt. A shadow passes over her and she looks up quickly.

Connor smiles down at the girl over the head of the giant teddy bear. The young girl cocks her head to the side curiously at the bear. From behind his back Connor pulls out her worn teddy bear which is more torn than before and covered in dirt.

The young girl smiles brightly. She grabs her teddy bear and jumps around happily. Suddenly she turns to Connor and hugs him. As he pulls away from the hug, the young girl begins to lean forward as if to kiss him. Connor quickly closes his eyes and puckers his lips which are instantly met with the mouth of the teddy bear.

END

Critique

PLOT

• Is the plot engaging and satisfying? If not, why?
• Are there slow, confusing or dull spots? How would you fix these?
• Is the plot surprising or predictable? How so?
• Are the subplots engaging and satisfying? Do they add to the main plot?
• Does the plot fulfill the promise of the idea or does it feel incomplete or not fully realized?
• Are there any plot holes that need to be fixed?
• Does the plot stem from and work with the characters and theme or does it feel forced upon them?
• Are each of the acts complete and balanced?
• Is one part of the plot notably better or worse than the rest?
• How much tension is there in the plot? In each act? In each scene?

CHARACTER

• Do the characters feel genuine to the story?
• Is the protagonist likeable? Why or why not? What does this add to the story?
• Is the antagonist appealing? Why or why not? What does this add to the story?
• Does the size of the cast fit the size of the story?
• How long is the protagonist’s arc? How would lengthening, shortening or eliminating that arc change the story?
• Do other characters have arcs? What do those arcs add?
• How much backstory do we get about the characters?
• Do each of the characters have unique personalities and dialogue?
• Is the story character-driven or plot-driven? What if you switched it?
• What are the characters’ strengths and weaknesses?

THEME

• What are the script’s primary theme? 
• How well is the theme expressed through plot?
• How well is the theme expressed through character and dialogue?
• How strong or weak is the theme? What if it was emphasized or deemphasized?

Music
Since this is a silent film, I have found copyright free music to use. I don't really know who composed or preformed it but I do know it is called A Little Chronology. I'll look further into it.